I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
