guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
