Cold hands, warm shart.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
