Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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