What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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