The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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