I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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