I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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