You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
