How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
