dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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