I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If I die, sorry about rent.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
