I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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