Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
