i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
