so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
