Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
