You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
