not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
