WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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