oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
