So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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