Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
