Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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