so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I am naked and annoyed.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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