your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
home. puking in laundry basket.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
