I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
