ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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