Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
