2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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