i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
