My friends, they love my intelligence
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
