sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
