i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I need water and some morals
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
