if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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