happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
