Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
