Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
