What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
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No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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