well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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