I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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