didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
