chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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