A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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