Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
