I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
