im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
This couple is walking their pig around campus
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
