she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
