i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
