When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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