good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
