Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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