I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
