phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
