people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
from now on my penis is your penis
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Sex in the backyard? Check.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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