i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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