Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
