Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
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Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
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you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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