you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
