this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
