last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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