You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
