I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
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What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
why is half of my head shaved?
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