You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I came so hard my ears popped.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
