I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If I die, sorry about rent.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
