i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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