Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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