Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
