so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
