1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
