shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
