i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Let's get the cat blown out
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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