Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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