Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
