angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
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The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
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On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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