The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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